The swift winds of depression

The great wind blows when you wake up today and don’t want to go to work or get out of bed, let alone engage with anyone outside your head. 

The fatigue of your body’s ailments, low energy to barely shower, fears of the unknown, or the suffrage of existential crisis that I couldn’t bear to live another day in hell! 

The freedom of walking away from your 9 to 5 but still beholden by the daily stresses that come with urban life. 

The weather forecast on my phone claimed it would be the mid-70s, so I aimed to dress lighter, only to see not much sunlight or wind not working in my favor, where I kvetch to my emah, “i’m so cold,” and she would respond nagging “oh, hush you’ll survive.” 

My mother, every day of my life seems invigorated to live; even if she’s up late watching murder mysteries, she always seems ready to seek the day, dressed, showered, pampered, and food prepped way before I slip on my socks. I remove my inner demons to be grounded enough to level my feet off my mama’s cozy couch. 

Like many mothers who claim to love their children, I always felt she didn’t understand me, no matter what hard advice or soft kisses she provided; my estrangement began with her pathologizing my internal illness while expecting me to follow her lead. 

The great wind will truly blow when my emptiness, shame, phobias, and obstacles are blown away, not withholding me to live 2 my fullest! 

6-6-23

Mx. Enigma